Our last stand with fertility was in March of 2012. I know that I use “I” a lot in this bog. That's only because I'm writing it. My husband is going through this as well. Yes, women have the biological clock, but that doesn't mean that Ryan doesn't want a baby any less than I do. He would be an amazing father and I can't wait for the day that I get to see him in action. Some marriages don't survive the struggles of infertility. We feel that it's helped us grow closer. When someone shares their "big news" about being pregnant, he knows about the little pain in my heart because he has it too. It's not really jealousy. It's more like a little reminder of the emptiness that's there. It's getting better, but it may never go completely away. I was in the birth room when both of our nephews were born. For me there's no experience to compare it to, so I can only imagine what it was like for her. Ever since I've heard my oldest nephews first cry, a wave of emotions come over me when I hear a newborn baby's cry.
Since we've started our fertility process there have been some people that just aren't sure about the right thing to say to us and end up saying something they probably shouldn't have said. Then there are the idiots. We were vocal about our fertility issues because we didn't want to be bombarded with the "so, when are you two going to have a baby?" question. Trust me, whether you tell people or not this question will be asked. I think it's just a question that people ask to make conversation. Sometimes we'll drop the bomb and just say that we're infertile. Then we feel bad for making them uncomfortable so, we tell them that we're adopting. Then there are the ones that just flat out tell you that maybe you're just not meant to be parents. What kind of a person says this?!! The really stupid kind!! Also, if you're telling me that you probably wouldn't go as far as doing fertility but you know exactly how I feel and you're in the same boat as me. I will say this. If you're not willing to go to hell and back to create a family then you're not in my boat. I understand that adoption isn't for everyone and fertility isn't cheap. We opened an 0% interest credit card, used our savings and had help from our family to achieve our fertility treatments. If you want a baby and fertility IS an option for you, I know of people who have done fundraising to raise the money for their treatments. We're not trying to create even more debt by adopting. Going through a local non-profit organization we're thinking that it will cost us close to $20,000. Give or take a couple thousand. We're not sure how much legal fees will come to. This is why my husband and I have been doing fundraising to help with the cost of our adoption. I'll jot down some of the fundraising options that we've used in my next post. They've been a tremendous help so far.
I've had a few people in my close family that have been down right rude about my IF its not easy. The main person I'm talking about has 4 children of their own and doesn't know what its like to go through this process. I feel they are selfish in thinking that this is something you just get over and move on from no matter if your 18 or 90 the pain of knowing you cannot have your own child will always be with you. This particular person told a friend of mine that I was jealous of her pregnancy and that she shouldn't post pictures on facebook as not to rub it in my face. That made me feel horrible she is a proud momma and she has every right to be I set things right because no matter if your able to have a child or not no one should feel like they cannot be open. You're a strong woman keep your head up! Thank you for your posts you know how I feel but I don't write as good as you do.
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